The Inconsistencies and Virtues of the Missional Life – Compassion Fatigue – Post 1

The primary audience of this series of posts are directed … to me.

The term “compassion fatigue” originated in the 1950s and specifically pertained to nurses whose sensitivity gradually decreased as they were serving those in desperate need of medical care. This included the elderly, the abused, and the handicapped.

At the surface this seems reprehensible. That is until we examine our own “compassion fatigue”. I’ll be the first to admit that I think a great deal of this because I find it to be very relevant to my life, my ministry and my hopes that extend beyond my vocation.

From the accountant to the dentist, we all want to make the world better. We want to serve our families, our neighbors, those we labor with and those we’ve seen to be in need. We’re grateful for this is noble desire until we feel bombarded with the countless other worthy needs. Where does one begin? Further, our everyday lives take a lot out of us. Between our numerous responsibilities from family to vocational to other service-oriented duties, we start to seriously wonder how can one make a difference in the world and in the next.

Eventually the guilt catches up with us, the sensitivities of our hearts gradually decrease and whether we indulge ourselves to numb our souls further or choose to rationalize our way out of helping, we may find ourselves doing nothing or barely anything – we experience compassion fatigue.

One day, we are confronted by this and one of two things happen. We harden our hearts further to limit the guilt or allow our hearts to be broken and try again.

I’ve been up and down the missional slope of life. I think it’s fair to say that I have inspired a fair number of friends and annoyed many more. I think it’s also fair to say that many have done the same for me. Though I don’t really come to conclusions on these types of reflections, I am observing that no one is missional enough. It’s a thought that is both disappointing and comforting.

You can become quite the self-righteous legalist when you try to save the world. Even despite our best intentions, we may even unwittingly add to the compassion fatigue.

At the same time, to do nothing or to do little like compartmentalize the action to something “controllable” seems to squander the grace and opportunity God gives.  I would say that the goodness found in being generous, compassionate, sacrificial is beyond conscience-pleasing. In short, they are the virtues found in imitating God.

So how does one combat this cycle of compassion fatigue?  (Though I don’t really think it’s a 5-step program, I’m outlining for the sake of simplicity).   They are nuanced and paradoxical, like life is.

1. Celebrate your blessings and leverage your potential to share them. Meaning – don’t feel guilty that you live in the ‘burbs and enjoy a particular lifestyle – accept it and share generously.
2. Learn how Jesus lived in the rhythms of life. He fasted and celebrated. He served others and practiced self-care. Jesus partied with his friends and Jesus demonstrated profound acts of sacrifice before ultimately, His crucifixion.
3. Realize no one can address every need, no one can donate to every cause, no one volunteer their time for every request. Even Jesus did not physically heal all of Israel doing his earthy ministry.
4. Therefore choose the causes that have touched your heart the most. For me and my family, this has been the issues of human trafficking, clean water and the AIDS crisis. There are others that my heart is open for but we try to focus towards these causes and trust that others are focusing on the other worthy ones.
5. Keep your heart anchored in prayer. It keeps all these not only in check, but keeps your heart broken, compassionate and attentive towards God.

In the coming weeks, I’m going to explore the inconsistencies and the virtues that I’ve found in the missional life:   materialism, envy, indulgence, simplicity, generousity and sacrifice complicated by our everyday contexts and our own baggage and gifts – should be fun. Well, it probably won’t be fun but I hope it’s worthwhile so please subscribe via email/RSS to keep up. I would value your input and conversation – many thanks!

Do You Have 2 Minutes to Watch an Eye-Opening Video of Gendercide in China? #AllGirlsAllowed

Back in the fall, one of our LIFE Communities (our version of small, mid-size group ministry) organized a presentation from the organization All Girls Allowed. As one who just had a baby girl born a month prior, it was a very eye-opening and heart-breaking experience.

Of course, I’ve always known about China’s dreaded one-child policy and the last several years, I’ve caught snippets from random books and NPR spots on how Chinese men cannot find women to marry. The way I wrote that sentence implies it’s just a few, right? It’s a few like, millions of men. By 2020, it’s feared the gender imbalance will be in the neighborhood of 10 million men.

How did this happen? Between 1949-1976, China’s population soared to 540 million because of the improvements of infant mortality rates and the increasing of the life-expectancy age. Sentences like that mean more grandparents were surviving to see their healthy grandchildren and great-grandchildren being born.

As a result of, China feared an unsustainable population and instituted the One-Child Policy in 1980 to about a third of the population. It’s designated to affect those in urban areas, however, other sources argue that it affects rural areas as well and enforces against a significantly higher percentage. Everyone agrees that there are exceptions made – They would be for the ruling class and the upper class. It should also be noted that in recent years, some families have been permitted to have a second child if there first born was a girl. This carries with its own set of peculiarities but still, thought it was worth the mention.

Consequently, the One Child Policy has resulted in forced abortions, a severe discrimination against female births, trafficking, forced female sterilizations, a massive number of orphaned children (especially girls) and a number of other human rights violations. Further there are incentives for local state and government officials to insure the success of the One Child Policy which creates even more abuses that we would call scandalous.

Again, this is something that I and I suspect many of you have known in the peripheral but listening to this presentation was heart-breaking. In this week’s posts, I tried to make the point that we should all resolve to seek a better world with God’s help. Indeed, we cannot support all the worthy causes and organizations so may our prayerful consciences be our guide but this is among the ones that have caught my attention and I wanted to bring it to your attention.

The mission of All Girls Allowed is to “reveal gendercide and female infanticide in China. Providing hope to China’s mothers and girls through baby shower gifts and child sponsorship.” Founded by former Tiananmen Square student leader, Chai Ling began All Girls Allowed in 2010. Check out www.allgirlsallowed.org to learn more.  You can also check out Chai’s book A Heart For Freedom:  The Remarkable Journey of a Young Dissident, Her Daring Escape, and Her Quest to Free China’s Daughters.  Available at Amazon and at your local Barnes and Noble.

Check out this 2 minute video called “37 Seconds” (you’ll understand why after you watch it).
Thanks for reading and please let me know one way or another if you get involved.

37 Seconds from All Girls Allowed on Vimeo.

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“So this is the new year, but I don’t feel any different …” – Three Things We Can Do For a Great Year

“So this is the new year, but I don’t feel any different …”
“The New Year” – Transatlanticism by Death Cab for Cutie

This is one of my favorite opening lines on any album from a band that I truly enjoy because it’s a sentiment that I have often felt. We’ve all experienced some great moment that we thought would forever change our lives. Whether it be after a new year, whether it be after an incredible experience, an amazing trip, we come down from the high of the experience realizing that the moment over-promised this “new life”.

After a while, we stop getting our hopes up. Some times, we even rain on the parades of others. If we’re not careful, we can get even more jaded (I believe that everyone’s a little jaded about something, yep even your sweet, tender-hearted grandmother). We stop making resolutions, we stop thinking that our lives can positively change or that we have any control of these changes. We may even start seeing life as an arbitrary string of events that happen … or don’t happen.

This is the last of my resolution/resolve for something better posts. But I find that when I practice these three things, that life is more fulfilling. Note that the circumstances may not be better, but the experience of living life is better.

1. Be a person who is continually seeking self-discovery. Many of us have traveled thousands of miles around the world but have yet to discover some of the hidden corners of our souls. The pursuit of self-awareness is a worthy endeavor and I believe when we seek who we are, we discover that we have created a god in our own image and uncover why we are often so disappointed in life. We expect to be pleased. When we remove ourselves as the “god of our lives” and submit our ives to the true and living God, we not only get rid of our idols we also discover more of our identity.

2. Be a person of prayer. As a Christian, I believe God not only created us and offers us redemption but desires to commune with us – He wants to know us and wants us to know Him.  It’s quite a humbling thought.  The spiritual disciplines (prayer, meditation, fasting, etc.) are essential in not only discovering our intended purpose but they posture our hearts in a position that is seeks to connect with a God who is listening.

3. Be a person of sacrifice. Practicing Jesus’ teaching of loving others as ourselves requires sacrifice. We find that we cannot expend the energy in guarding our self-interests and taking care of another at the same time – the two actions are unsustainable. The Christian faith teaches that we take care of those close and those far, to take care of our families and strangers and even our enemies. While we must be careful that we do neglect our self-care, it’s a beatiful thing to discover the virtues found in being generous. True generosity is found in the spirit of sacrifice and oddly enough, when we sacrifice, we not only find contentment, we also find a life-giving joy.

Happy new year to you – hope it’s a very life-giving and beautiful year.

Refuse to Make a NY Resolution? The Case For Considering to Resolve Something

As mentioned in yesterday’s post, “Would Jesus Have Made New Year’s Resolutions?”, I make them quite regularly. I break them quite regularly too. Like last year, I thought about reading the Bible in the King James Version in honor of its 400th year. Couldn’t do it – I finished up Easter and finished out with the NRSV and NIV. Maybe I’ll try that again when the KJV turns 500 though. I realize writing this publicly may allow the reader to think that I make these without much thought. Perhaps that’s half-true (I need to give that some thought ;) but allowing myself to try new and different things regularly and to allow myself to fail at them as been among the better things I’ve enjoyed in recent years.

Here’s what I learned – I make resolutions because it keeps my desire for good change going and I’m discovering more good. I want to see a better world in the sense of “Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. (KJV)” so even if the resolutions are simply a desire to see a continuation of the good of what’s happening, I find that to be helpful (and look for ways to contribute to the “continuation of goodness”, if you will).

Of course there is a significant population who refuse to make resolutions because among the reasons, they are cliche or we believe the line of thought “That if it was important for you to do it, you would already be doing it.” There’s some sound logic there and it’s probably why 80% of them fail (or 66% according to the less honest polls ;). There were a few years I chose not to make any and make fun of those that did. Part of it was few of my friends admitted they did, the other part was that I had a terrible track record with keeping them and the final part was that I was already full with life, I couldn’t imagine adding another thing.

In my mid-twenties I really embraced the idea of seeking and bringing change. I like change for the most part. Ever more, I saw the need for things that needed to change in the world, in the church, in my community and eventually in my own heart. The latter needed to start changing in order to affect any of the others.

So I believe here’s the challenge for all of us and the basis of my argument.  We see the problems of the world throughout the windows of our lives – why not further resolve to do something more this year? Indeed, many are already doing all they can and each day they pray that God would multiply their efforts. But I suspect based on my limited personal experience that some could use the encouragement to begin or do more than they are already doing.

Choose a world/social issue that grieves you – maybe human trafficking, or bringing clean water to people. Learn about it, give towards it, share about it, help. Check out Invisible Children or Living Water International or Charity Water.
Choose a personal issue that grieves you – maybe a personal entrapment of some kind, or a desire to purify an aspect of your life. Take personal inventory, confront it, pray over it, seek God’s help.

Our pastor mentioned on Sunday that we tend to make resolutions because the entering of a new year logically makes us more aware to the idea that time is passing. I find truth in that. One of my ongoing ones is to be faithful with the opportunities God gives us. I briefly shared that at the evening service as an encouragement to do that collectively and I thought it was a good idea to pass that along here.

Let’s resolve something. Not because it’s that time of year but because there are many things in our personal lives and in our world that need resolving.
May one of our prayers be, “your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven (NIV)”

Would Jesus Have Made New Year’s Resolutions?

I’m a believer of New Year’s resolutions. In truth, I make resolutions quite regularly throughout the year. I joked at the gc@nite service that it’s because I have a lot to work on. More on that another time.  As annoying as it can be to hear the same cliched New Year’s resolutions, I truly think they are a good thing. I like it when people say that they are going to do things differently and seek to better their lives.

Now it’s up to each of us to go past the superficialities and follow through with the discipline of these goals but I think it’s better than not making them. Where is the logic in beginning the year saying, “I don’t want to do anything different”? Each of our lives has room for growth. Everyone.

So last night I wondered if Jesus would have made any New Year’s resolutions. While fully aware that this line of thought borders on trivializing the deity of Jesus, I am playing the “dual nature” card. I imagine Jesus recognized the natural desire to improve upon one’s self or observed circumstance. I imagine that he confronted his personal frustrations and clearly he had a deep desire to address the pain around him.

Can you picture Jesus and the disciples hanging out on the beach on New Year’s Eve night drinking really good beer that Jesus turned from juice and divine-hand-made sparklers that Jesus made from broken fishing rods – he’s always bringing redemption to stuff? (That joke will be funny to only one person.) Ok, that may not have had sparklers but I do imagine Jesus and the disciples having numerous life-infused conversations. It’s interesting to note the gospel accounts always contained the idea of “change” and I imagine they spoke it quite frequently.

I understand the line of thought that one that has no imperfections with his morality nor any facet of his character would not need to make resolutions. Further, it’s hard for me to really take seriously the thought that Jesus wanted to lose a couple of pounds because of the excess weight he put on during the holidays but upon further thought, I am ok with that. (It could be because of all the Easter cantatas I’ve seen so many different types of Jesus that I now have a semi-distorted view. ;)

I can picture most Jewish men looking at their guts after the Feast of Tabernacles (it’s a Harvest Feast), and thinking that they are going to have work off those new pounds. While I am not going to accuse Jesus of the sin of gluttony (something that the Pharisees regularly accused him of), I don’t have a  problem with a Jesus that ate too much.  Does our Jesus need to have six-pack abs? I’m not suggesting that he needs to look like George Costanza but does he need to look Tom Brady? I’m not uncomfortable with Jesus thinking he needed to lose a few pounds and humoring himself with the idea that there may be a design flaw with the human metabolism.

But I digress. What I seriously wonder about was void of any New Year’s observance or calories.  I wonder if Jesus surveyed the years in his late twenties and thought, “This year I’m going to serve the hurt around me.” I do wonder between the first and second year of his public ministry if he said, “I’m going to push the disciples more.” or “Regardless of the expectations, I’m going to seek solitude and pray more.” And I’m not sure I can begin to articulate what he must have thought between the second and his third and final year of his ministry.

It’s in this way that I think I Jesus was always resolving and it’s in this way I hope to follow suit and encourage others to do the same. Later this week, I’ll post more on the idea of resolutions – I do think they are worthwhile.

Reflecting on 2011, I End This Year …

Nathan and Dylan with their cousin Lina

returning from spending Christmas with my family at my parents’ house.  Cool to see my brother, sister, bro-in-law, niece, cousins, uncles and aunts.  Was fun to catch up on so many things including our vacation in Aruba.

… remembering I laughed a lot … at odd times like there was this moment in the fully packed minivan that Susan and I had as we were crossing the Tappanzee Bridge with one kid sleeping, one kid crying, “Mama, home” and one kid watching Charlie Brown Christmas where we just looked at each other, shrugged our shoulders and laughed.

… missing so many people. From my former senior pastor Sam who was a great listener and friend to his wife and kids who were so wonderful to my family. We miss serving with them and being their neighbors.

We miss our friends – Yo, housing and taxes are cheaper up here, groceries too.  They need engineers, mechanics, financial planners, hairstylists, nutritionists, plumbers, teachers, computer nerds and whatever it is that Matt actually does.  Also, it’s warmer up here – just saying.

Farewell Party/Baby Shower - August 2011

 

at YSPalooza with new and veteran youth leaders like Debi

… missing the youth leaders. We got to share some great moments together in my living room, the Fireside Room, the van, and all the places we’d go.

Tim & Alyssa leading worship

… missing Tuesdays mornings with Eric and Ehren at the Ridge Diner and Wednesday mornings with Doc and Tim Nye. Wished we could have found a way to make it to the wedding of Dave and Jaclyn. I was Davey’s youth pastor for a few years and he ended up becoming one of my favorite worship leaders and my fourth favorite Levesque ;).  I look forward to seeing Tim hopefully this year. Hey I think I forgot a few pounds of Verona in Old Tappan, please bring them up for me ;)

 

… wondering if we would have made the move had it not been for friends like Jim Kuehlke and my in-laws. Among all the help we got from my family and our church family, my in-laws traveled up, helped us pack up NJ and helped us unpack in MA.

… never forgeting my U-Haul being broken down on the side of the road in CT and Jim saying, “At least it’s not raining” and the heavens opening up with rain, thunder and lightening. I remember saying, “At least it’s not raining with hundred dollar bills” but apparently God’s sense of irony doesn’t work that way.

… thinking that our youth group was such a big part of my life.  I will always miss and love you guys (well, maybe not all of you. “Kidding, kidding, take a joke, c’mon …” :)

Last youth group gathering for me at MEFC. (message was "The Night We Discussed Cambium")

Nassau'11 Mission Trip to the All Saints AIDS Camp

 

 

 

 

Senior Sneak '11 in Boston, one of the Top Ten classes that I got to pastor ;)

Just before a "God at the Pub" discussion night

… missing the Porterhouse.  This old Irish pub was where I had some of the best conversations with dear friends and absolute strangers.  So grateful they were open til 2am, this place really became part of my seminary experience.  Initially, the other late-night patrons thought it was odd that I showed up with a laptop, an NRSV Study Bible, and a bag of books but by the third year, they would welcome me as I walked in the door while the bartender started pouring me a Guinness.  This place watched me read Karl Barth, NT Wright and speed-read Herman Ridderbos (which still took a month). I also miss our “God at the Pub” discussion nights.  I’m looking all over Middlesex County for something close – so far no luck.

 

grateful for old friends in this new place. One of the crazier blessings of the year took place at the end of the winter as I shared with one of my closest friends that we were praying about moving on from our church in NJ. Bassim told me that his church, Grace Chapel was looking. I mentioned that I had heard but that a mega-church in “Red Sox Nation” was not an interest for me. Either his persuasion skills have significantly improved since we were 14 or the Lord was speaking through him (and probably a little both) but that was one of three life-altering conversations that got me here.  It was hard for me to imagine that we would be Trick or Treating in Billerica, Massachusetts.

… looking forward to serving alongside with my new church staff and the countless volunteers here.  The other two life-altering conversations were during the interview process with the pastor that I directly report to, Doug Whallon and my new senior pastor, Bryan Wilkerson.   Excited to be here.

So I end this year grateful for this new season of ministry here at Grace Chapel. We are hitting 2012 running and in the next few weeks I have a message at gc@nite (1/15 – working title, “You Give Exile a Good Name (insert Richie Sambora guitar riff here)”, participating in a couple Adult Discipleship classes, one on the Psalms and one on Don Miller’s A Million Miles in a Thousand Places, leading the monthly prayer night (in lectio divina) and a few other things that I’m excited about.

… flipping through iPhoto and realizing I got to see some people I truly admire within the same year (Alan Hirsch, Rob Bell, NT Wright)

Susan and I with Rob Bell at the "Love Wins" Book Launch in NYC

Alan Hirsch at The Well, Feasterville, PA (where Todd Hiestand pastors)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NT Wright in Boston talking about his new book Simply Jesus

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…. proud of my two little boys.

Nathan

Dylan

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

.. with another kid – our first daughter!  

Janelle Catherine - 9.5.11

I know this sounds sappy but I truly end this year thankful to God for three incredible kids and a beautiful wife, Susan. It’s been a crazy year, glad we’re in this together honey. Excited about 2012!

Seeing U2 at Giants Stadium - July 20th

Christmas 2011

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

First Family Picture

 

 

 

 

Reflecting On Our Christmas Eve Services

We had a number of Christmas Eve services happening throughout our campuses this last weekend and I’ve been thinking about the message. It was entitled, “Unto You” and before it, there was a well-acted short drama piece of three characters who were shepherds. This is my first year here so I hope I can say this without sounding prideful, but because I am yet discovering the church too, I must say that these elements were so well done. There are numerous collaborative creative planning meetings that go into this and the intentionality of it really makes a difference.

Certainly this is not to imply anything negative of any other church I’ve observed but it’s been important to me on a couple of levels. One, I’ve never been on the inside of a church this large before and it’s been great for me to see how seriously such things are taken. It’s been my impression that some times, larger churches get by without much intentionality but rely on talent and spectacle.  It’s been [Read more...]

Santa Claus, Rudolph, The Virgin Birth, The Lies & “TMI’s” We Tell Our Children

Every time I see a picture like this of Jesus and Santa Claus together, I go out of my way to say “Season’s Greetings” to a fundamentalist.  I get asked quite frequently what we tell our children about Santa Claus. Our kids are a  bit young so we only give them the 101 – Santa lives at the North Pole, he’s got reindeer that pull his sleigh and he gives good boys Christmas gifts and takes “Blue Bear” and “Elmo” away from the naughty boys (each family has their own traditions you know).

Every so often, someone either politely implies (or states matter of factly) that we are lying to our children. Perhaps in some sense this is true but when we are talking about toddlers and pre-schoolers, their reality is a bit clouded so much of the scope of truth is often irrelevant for them. However, I did see Talladega Nights and I am committed to telling them before they become race car drivers praying to the Baby Jesus (fortunately, it will be easier because they’re not being raised in the South) ;)

Still, I find myself thinking about this. We “celebrate” pretty much everything in the Ghali house because generally, it’s fun. Halloween? Absolutely. I’ve said it numerous times – getting dressed up as your favorite superhero and getting free candy from your [Read more...]

Reflecting On What Ben Witherington Might Say to Lady Gaga – Part 2

To my new readers, thanks for taking the time to entertain some of these thoughts. To long-time readers, know I’m grateful for your continued clicks. My web-traffic has been increasing as of late so I’m trying to make some changes here.  Know that I am grateful for your time – hope some of these posts are helpful to you.

As some of you may know, I have an appreciation for theology and pop-culture, and I admittedly, I get a little nerdy when the two intersect (or when I make them intersect). This is the second post in this series based on a lecture on I attended of Ben Witherington at Gordon Conwell Seminary this past fall. As he lectured on the topic of “humanity being created in the image of God”, I thought of Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way”. [Read more...]

Reflecting on the Third Week of Advent – The Joy Candle

Last week, our church lit the third candle of our advent wreath, the “Joy Candle.” Part of my Advent has been to celebrate and reflect upon the meaning of that candle throughout the week and blogging about it.

As we lit the Joy Candle, I remembered thinking what a dumb idea this was. It’s easier to walk around with hope and grace, you can look and be miserable but hey, you’re hanging on to hope and grace. We tend to think that being joyful should have affect your countenance and add a bounce in your step and parade around like your Will Farrell in Elf.

Many years ago, I used to think that joy was about “God making you happy” and spreading the “cheer” all around. But as it turns out, I had joy all wrong. I no longer think of joy as walking around with a cheesy smile on my face but more of a condition of the heart.

I’ve learned that true joy exists independent of our circumstances. For example, there are lottery winners that do not have joy and amazingly enough, you can find joy in the hearts of mourners at a funeral. For my purposes, I define joy as “the believer’s confidence in God.” If faith is the idea of “believing without seeing”, than joy is the by-product. It seems true to say that great faith tends to allow for great joy.

To borrow from the often quoted, C.S. Lewis, “Joy is the business of heaven.” It’s a great line, it’s a great sound byte and I’ve always [Read more...]