Yesterday’s post offered an introduction and a bit of an explanation of what the Epic Fail Pastors Conference was about. Today, I wanted to put down on digital paper what I reflected on while there and since.
Just a note, I do know all the names of the presenters I heard but from the blog posts I’ve seen, everyone has been kept anonymous. As I mentioned before, I was only there for one day so there may have been an announcement made to keep it that way, so contact me if you would like to follow up on some of these presenters’ worthy thoughts.
In any case, one of the speakers shared powerfully of the hurt that pastors experience in ministry. But he did not only share from personal experience, he has been researching this topic for many years now. One thing that struck us all was when you leave a ministry either by your own choice or forced resignation or sudden termination, you go through a grieving process similar to the loss of a loved one. He offered further, if you know someone that is going through this, don’t tell the person, “Don’t worry, that church didn’t deserve you, there are plenty of other churches out there.” Just like you would not say such ridiculous things to someone who lost a spouse and illustrated having this obviously awkward conversation at someone’s funeral.
This was a different type of failure than I thought we would be talking about.
This made a lot of sense to me and I connected with that but not exactly out of personal experience. I have seen my friends mourn their departures. I’ve spent hours listening and “grieving” alongside (and I’m grateful that others have done so for me). I also remember several stories of people in my church forced to leave their jobs they faithfully served for 20-30 years.
My experience was a bit different. I am completing the fifth year at my second church and I left my first one after being there for 5 years. But what connected with me was that I had mourned for years the dysfunction that I was a part of and hoped to get out. Once my wife and I created our exit plan, we felt we were like thieves breaking in trying to steal back our souls. And once we left – we felt free. For us, the grief process happened before the resignation but the time of healing carried on for a long time after. So much more could be said but this being a public blog, I don’t find it appropriate but only to say, we’ve always missed our students and our friends and this is among the reasons I am grateful for Facebook. But I digress.
The speaker was on to something because he validated and encouraged this type of grief and the different types of failures these experiences conjure up within us. Obviously there are major differences from grieving the loss of a loved one but one aspect that I would like to point out – that when you love and serve the church, it’s not just a job because your entire world is (or very much should be) about people. And it’s when you fail or feel failed by that community of people that have claimed they love you (and you them), real hurt bursts through.
I wished I could have stayed for the next day of the event and wished I could have gotten there the night before but this alone was worth the drive. I finish this post by saying, if you can relate to this, it could be that your grieving process was interrupted somehow. Perhaps it’s time to ask the Lord for healing in this area. As pastors, we know how destructive it is to carry burdens that should have been given over long ago. May this among the burdens you lay at the foot of the cross this Holy Week.
As helpful as I find ministry conferences, seminars, events, and meet-ups are, there have also been countless times where I have walked away from such an event feeling a mixture of inadequacy and excitement. I have heard similar from countless others. Sometimes you leave motivated and inspired, sometimes enthused and envious. Sometimes you’ll be with a bunch of attendees and talk about someone’s “successful ministry” and eventually someone will say, “Yeah, we could do that too if we had his money or his looks, or lived in the South or had an English accent or (fill in the blank here). Some of it is potentially true but some of it’s mediocrity disguised as a disillusioned self-pity. That said, Todd Rhodes has an
But I was wrong. We did sit in round tables and there was time after each presenter to ask a question or respond to what was said and there was a guy there that reminded me of Meatloaf but it wasn’t what I thought it would be and that was a good thing. I didn’t see a big clergy-style pity party, I didn’t hear desperation, and it wasn’t a pathetic display of overly-emotional speakers outdoing each other’s nightmares and offering a bumper sticker sermon at the end – “But I still trust God!”. And fortunately, no country music was played.
I know some of my Twitter friends are CS Lewis-ed Out. I get that, he gets quoted quite a bit but he has so much good stuff, I still find that he’s really worth reading. I like that Lewis is not an evangelical but appreciated by so many. I have always liked how he was able to bring his pre-conversion thoughts and address them post-conversion. I liked how he struggled to find faith and how he honestly wrote about doubt and hope. Further, I like natural law, I admire his mind and I love knowing that he would be completely disappointed with how his Narnia world has been adapted to film today.
Perhaps my favorite part was the Terry telling of the story of Abraham and Sarah. He asked is there any greater comedy than humor about and between men and women? Both created in the image of God but among other things, so much humor is found too. He recreated the encounter well with Abraham and Sarah and highlighted the part where Sarah laughs. Indeed the thought of their geriatric love-making and conceiving at this age is funny (but don’t think about it. Really. I’m just trying to help. Ok, fine think about it). Instead of rebuking Sarah for laughing, God blesses them and tells them to call their son “Isaac” which we all know means “laughter”. God understands humor, He’s the creator of it, and among the blessings that He bestows on those He loves is children and laughter. As a young dad, there is a world of pleasure and goodness in that thought.
The Challenges For Us
Let me describe the vibe of the room – it was buzzing and once again it reminded me of that line “Rob Bell is a rock star in the evangelical world”. Don’t take it out on Bell, it was similar to that when we went see NT Wright at Wheaton too and that crowd was a bit older, established, educated even, etc. Indeed the room was filled with many appreciators of Rob. I wondered beforehand how many critics were there given the firestorm but even during the Q&A, I didn’t get the sense that many had come. I thought all the questions were honest (though they may not have been great) but certainly appropriate for what everyday people are thinking like, “Will God force an atheist into heaven?” And for those wondering, the questions were selected randomly.
Soon after he was asked another direct question (around the 28 minute mark) that was something to the effect of “Coming from a Jewish family, we would find it offensive for you to imply that our salvation has to come from Jesus.” I seriously wonder if anyone in evangelicalism could have had a better a Christian answer and not come across as offensive to her. It was probably my favorite moment of the night. He refereed to Moses striking the rock and providing water for the Israelites (Numbers 20) and said later, Paul describes the water from this rock as Christ (I Cor. 10). Paul does not offer much commentary there but the implication is that God has always been rescuing people. He mentions that it’s good for us to be generous when talking about such things, Jesus comes and makes the Torah speak, shows compassion, love, etc. concluding that Jesus is a paradox that we have been wrestling with for thousands of years. She seemed sincerely satisfied with that answer and frankly, I am not sure many other evangelicals could have done better in the sense of serving the asker and honoring the Lord. Some may dismiss that as tightrope walking, others may see it as a powerful and truthful moment.
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As mentioned, I enjoyed the panel discussion with 



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